Dreaming of Butterflies
by Misterida
Summary: Alan doesn't know whether he is dreaming that Thunderbird Five wasn't saved or if he is dreaming that it was ... Movie Verse. Warning for slightly dark themes.
1. Chapter 1

Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly,

or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.

- Chuang Tzu

* * *

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

"_Dad, come on, are we coming through?"_

"_Mr Tracy, can you hear me? Come in."_

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

"_Dad, come on!"_

"_Mr Tracy, can you hear me? Come in."_

"_Dad?"_

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

"_How long have they got?"_

"_45 seconds until re-entry!"_

"_Dammit, Jeff! Wake up!"_

"_Impact Confirmed. Thunderbird Five destroyed."_

Alan stood there staring blankly at the screen. He idly thought that the voice that announced that the rest of his family were dead seemed a little too happy about it. Alan felt blank and strangely empty. He was aware over time of people talking to him and him being led away from the screen but did not take much in.

"Alan, we brought Thunderbird Two back, and the Mole."

That sounded like Lady Penelope. He probably should answer, it was polite, and Lady P would probably appreciate that. He didn't know what to say. As far as he was concerned the Thunderbirds machines could all be destroyed. The only the thing the Thunderbirds had successfully achieved was the destruction of everything he held dear.

"Come on, Al. You have had to eat something. For me? Please."

It was dark now but still the voices were there. Tin Tin had been talking for quite a while now but he didn't really listen. Nothing mattered anymore.

"C-c-c-c come along, Alan. You ne-ne-ne have to get some sleep."

Gentle arms took his and he was led to the infirmary. He stiffened and tried to pull away. He wasn't sick. He didn't want to go to the infirmary… Virgil looked after him there but Virgil was not going to be there. Virgil was never going to be there for him ever again. The last time he had seen his family face to face; he had stormed off rather than eat with them and be teased. How he wished he could take that back now.

There were several hands trying to stop him moving, leaving… he felt overwhelmed and panicked and confused as to what was going on. There was then a sharp sting in his arm and he was sinking into the darkness down and down.

He woke the next morning and knew immediately what had happened the previous day with the same cold, empty hollow in his chest. He did not move for a long time but laid there with his eyes shut, not quite being with the rest of the world. It seemed grossly unfair that the sun had risen that morning when his world had ended yesterday.

Eventually, he dragged his ass out of bed with the full intention of going to his room and locking the door. As he passed the medical cabinet he noticed that the door was ajar. A sudden though occurred to him. He glanced about and pulled the door wide. He reached in and pulled out a full bottle of Tylenol and quickly slid it into his pocket.

Alan walked out of the infirmary up the stairs and into his room where he locked the door.

* * *

Alan stayed in his room ignoring everyone at the door for several days. Eventually, the silence began to annoy him. Well, strictly it wasn't the silence as such it was more the voice that spoke to him in that silence. The bottle of Tylenol weighed heavy in his pocket.

Alan turned on the TV to try and block out the voice in the silence.

"… _yes, the confirmation came from a spokesperson for the family this morning. Jefferson Tracy and four of his sons, perished in a plane crash in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Many tributes are being laid at Tracy Enterprises today…"_

Alan pulled the TV from the wall and threw it across the room with a scream.

Eventually, they broke the door in with one of Brain's flame cutters. Alan sat on the floor, soaking wet from the sprinklers and stared at where the TV had been. He heard snippets of the conversation but didn't compute their meaning. He didn't even realise they were talking about him.

"…been like this for days!"

"…just needs time."

"…fa-fa-fa Jeff and the b-b-boys."

"Someone has to take care of him."

That was true. Alan had no one left to take care of him. He was all alone now. No one cared anymore. And neither did he.

* * *

The next time awareness returned to Alan he was sat on the main beach where the Hood's submarine still sat abandoned. The bottle of Tylenol was in his hand and a bottle of water was laid in the sand next to him. The voice in the silence whispered to him that it was the only way and Alan was inclined to agree. He shook the pills in to his hand and began to wash them down two at a time. He then curled up in the sand staring at the darkening sky. He could see many shooting stars and wondered how much of that was debris from Thunderbird Five burning up in the atmosphere. He wondered if any of it was his family free-falling back to Earth. He wondered a great many things. He wondered until the darkness descended and he knew no more.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi guys,_

_Just a quick one, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourite and followed. There were a few people who I couldn't personally reply to but I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to read. To the reviewer to left that glorious critical analysis of my work all I can say is sorry that you did not enjoy, and as always, if you don't like, don't read! _

_Disclaimer: Nope, if I did you would all know!_

_Medical knowledge is still shaky at best._

* * *

Awareness came back to Alan slowly. His mind felt fuzzy and dark. He wasn't really sure what would come next when he had sat on that beach… What followed life? He knew about Heaven and Hell and didn't really care which was his final place as long as his family were there. He only hoped he would be able to find them, after all both must be pretty full of people.

"Al?"

Well now, that was odd. That sounded like Virgil.

"Al, are you awake?"

It was definitely Virgil. Huh. Who'da thought _they'd_ find him? Alan tried to reply but realised that something was blocking his throat. Panicked, his hands flew to his face.

"No, Allie. Leave it. It's been helping you breathe. Give me just a minute and I'll sort it out."

There were noises in the background and the sound of the door opening. Suddenly his hand was gently being held.

"Thank God. Allie, we were so worried."

His father. His wonderful, brilliant father. There were other voices in the darkness. Alan could not make out what they were saying but knew that Scott and Gordon were there too.

"Okay, Al, on three I want you to breathe out as hard as you can. Ready? One, two, three."

There was the oddest sensation at the back of his throat. Movement and pain and scratching. Alan started coughing against it before feeling something being settled over his face.

"How are you feeling, Al?" That was Virgil again. There was someone running their hand through his hair and someone else holding his other hand now. The bed dipped down as his family sat around him.

"How did you find me?" Alan asked croakily.

"What do you mean?" Scott asked.

"How did you find me?" Alan repeated.

"We don't understand, Al." This time it was Gordon that spoke and he sounded worried.

"Where is John?" Alan asked. His mind felt like a speed train, his attention jumping faster than he could follow. "Why isn't he here? Did he not make it?"

"John's fine." Virgil said soothingly. "Don't stress. He's just sleeping at the moment. It has been a long few days."

Alan laughed hoarsely. "Tell me about it."

"What do you mean, Al?" That time his father had spoken.

"Where's Mom?" Alan asked.

"Mom?!" Several voices repeated sounding surprised.

"Mom." Alan confirmed. "If you could find me, then why hasn't she found you?" He said. It then occurred to him that wherever he was, be it Heaven or Hell, then maybe she was at the other. "Where are we?"

The weight on the bed moved back and Alan could hear a frantic conversation being carried out just beyond his range of hearing. Alan rolled on to his side and gently slid back into the darkness.

* * *

Whoops…. Still, please review!


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi, next chapter for you all! I hope you enjoy. This chapter is for Darkflame's Pyre and, hun, you know why! :) _

_Disclaimer: I disclaim the claim, that I might have a claim because I don't have a claim, so I disclaim that claim because to claim…. Oh never mind!_

* * *

The next time Alan woke up he remembered something that had escaped him last time… he had eyes. With every single ounce of muscle control he had, Alan was able to crack one eye open.

He was in the infirmary. And he was alone. Alan remembered his family being there. It must have been a dream. Alan had wanted it to be real. If they really had survived they would never have left him alone. Even when he was mildly sick he would always have someone with him all the time. Being one of five meant that Alan was never alone. Actually being alone was a novel concept that Alan had never really considered before. Company was something that he had just taken for granted, like he had with his family in general. He would never be able to take that back.

All he could think of was that the last time he had seen his family together he had stormed off at lunch. He had then yelled at his dad, and then sulked on the beach rather than having breakfast with Scott, Virgil and Gordon. He could never take that back. He could never make that right. Alan wondered, when they had died, what had they thought? Did they know that Alan loved them? He had been home for less than24 hours and spent the majority of that time avoiding them. What did they feel about that?

Alan remembered the frantic conversation he had with them at the satellite relay station. There were so many things that he had wanted to say but couldn't. He didn't have the time before the signal was jammed. Also, it wouldn't have been very reassuring to have been 'don't worry we'll save you, but just in case I love you and I'm sorry', yeah right.

It then occurred to Alan that he had been on the beach. How had he got back here? How had he failed? As Alan wondered all of this the door to the adjoining lab was pushed open and Brains walked in. He saw that Alan was awake and stumbled to a halt. He then dashed to Alan's side faster that he had thought possible for the bumbling professor.

"Alan! H-h-h-how are you f-f-f-f-feeling?"

Alan swallowed, ouch his throat was sore, and replied croakily "Okay, I guess considering. How are you and Fermat doing?"

"Fine, we're all just fine." Brains replied looking at his hands which he was twisting in anxiety.

There was a tense and awkward silence where neither knew quite what to say.

"Alan, what d-d-d-d-do you rem-m-m-member? What is the l-l-last thing you can recollect?"

"I remember everything." Alan said his breath catching in his throat. "I don't really want to talk about it, Brains."

His eyes filled with tears and he looked away.

"What is gonna happen with me now?" Alan asked. "Are we going to stay here?"

"What do you mean Alan?" Brains asked in confusion. "Where else w-w-w-w-would we go? I don't think these p-p-p-past events should mean we have to l-l-l-leave, it should encourage us to stay and f-f-f-fight."

"Brains, I don't want to stay here. And what are we gonna fight _for_? It's over, all of it. How are we meant to continue now? There is nothing left for us here."

"A-a-a-alan?" Said Brains, totally confused. "I d-d-d-don't understand w-w-w-what y-y-y-you are t-t-t-talking ab-ab-ab-about."

"I'm not staying here. You can't make me! I don't care what you say!" Alan shouted angrily in his frustration.

"Alan, c-c-c-calm d-d-d-down." Said Brains raising his hands in placation.

"Don't tell me to 'calm down'!" Alan spat back scrambling out of bed.

His legs hit the floor and he almost crumpled. Every muscle seemed to ache and he didn't know why. He harshly yanked at the wires connecting him to the diagnostic machines; not caring when some drew blood. Alan struggled to suck in a breath as his chest resisted inflating.

"Alan-" started Brains but Alan had had enough.

"Don't Alan me! You are not my father! No one can replace him! And-"

Whatever Alan was going to go on to say was halted as Brains, his face drained of colour, yelped in surprise "Replace him?!"

"They're dead and gone and I refuse to stay here when they aren't!" Alan shouted falling back as he weak muscles refused to hold him.

"Alan, t-t-they aren't gone! They s-s-s-survived! They are fine; they j-j-j-just went upstairs." Brains stammered, fear and panic making his stutter worse.

Alan stood with his back against the wall, trembling as he tried to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. In the silence there was a little voice telling him that it was lies, all lies, his family _had_ died. He remembered that, _didn't he_?

"They're alive?" Alan questioned breathlessly. "No, that's not… I don't…. You're lying! They died! I remember it happening! They burned up in the atmosphere! Don't lie to me!"

Alan lost the fight to control his breathing as he leant heavily against the wall. He heard the klaxon go off and Brains shouting into his watch. Alan felt his eyes roll back into his head and he slumped back down into the dark once more.

* * *

_Thank you so much for everyone who has been reading! Thank you to all those who have reviewed, especially those I couldn't personally reply to. Also, to the people who have been following and favouriting. It means a lot to know that you are all enjoying my evil muses! As always, please review! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Wow! Two posts in one day! My personal best! I have a manically busy day ahead of me tomorrow so this is tomorrow's chapter! I hope you all enjoy and I will see you on Wednesday!_

_Disclaimer: FF really needs a sarcasm font!_

* * *

Alan awoke to the darkness. He laid there unmoving, with his eyes shut, trying to sort everything out in his head. He didn't know what to believe. The poisonous voice-in-the-silence began to whisper to him.

_You know the truth. You were there. Don't fall for their lies._

"Al?"

The two voices overlapped. Alan frowned, trying to block the sounds out.

"I know you are awake, Allie, so you can stop pretending."

Alan still didn't move.

Fingers ghosted over his ribs and Alan, unprepared, squirmed back fighting a smile.

"Virge, cut it out!" He whined pathetically swatting at his brother.

Both eyes shot open as Alan sat bolt upright.

"Virgil?" The question came out as a gasp as pain hit Alan suddenly. He clutched his chest as took a deep heaving breath of pain.

"Easy Al." Virgil said rubbing gentle circles on his back. "You're pretty bruised right now, you're just gonna have to take it easy for a few days."

Alan couldn't really have cared less about himself at that moment. He stared at Virgil.

"You're alive?" He questioned in amazement.

Virgil immediately sat back to stare at Alan in equal incredulity.

"So Brains wasn't kidding." Virgil said lightly to himself, refocusing on Alan Virgil continued, "Al, I want you to go back to the beginning of the day and tell me everything that you remember."

Alan didn't immediately respond as he just stared at Virgil. His gazed dropped down to his hands which were clenched in his lap. This felt real, but it didn't feel any more real than the days he had spent thinking that they were dead. If they weren't where had they been? And how had he survived.

"Virge, are we actually alive?" Alan asked

Virgil's eyebrows rose so high that they actually disappeared into his hair line.

"Yeah, Allie. We're alive." Virgil said softly and gently as though afraid he would spook his youngest sibling.

"Virgil, I don't understand what is going on!" Alan half sobbed.

The bed suddenly dipped down as Virgil climbed up next to his blond brother and wrapped his arms around Alan.

"Ssshhhhh. Calm down, Allie, it's okay. Everything is gonna be okay. Ssshhhh."

Alan's head ended up cushioned on Virgil's chest. He relaxed as he heard the steady beat of Virgil's heart. The beeping that monitored his own heartbeat also slowed as Alan calmed down.

"Okay, Allie?" Virgil asked.

"Confused."

"Why?"

"My dreams feel real. I don't know what _is_ real anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"You died. You all died. I couldn't save you. Thunder…. Thunderbird Five crashed. I'm sorry." Alan was struggling to breathe again as the tears pooled in his eyes.

"Allie, Allie, calm down. You did save us. We are all fine. John was injured on Five but he is recovering really well. Just breathe for me, buddy."

"But then, if you didn't die… what happened to me?"

Virgil, alarmed by the way Alan asked his questioned, cocked his head. "What do you think happened to you?"

Alan looked away, a sure sign that Virgil wasn't going to like the answer.

"Alan, what happened?" A worrying thought occurred to Virgil. "What did you do?"

"I didn't want to be alone." Alan said so quietly that Virgil had to strain to catch the words.

Alan hadn't meant to hurt his family with his actions. He thought they were dead. But now they weren't.

The storm clouds on Virgil's face told Alan that his older brother was not happy with the answer he got. Alan threw the covers to one side and struggled out of bed.

"Al, what are you doing?" Virgil asked panicked.

"I don't think that I believe you." Alan said slowly. "I remember what happened. I need to see it for myself." There would be a video record of all communications with Thunderbird Five.

Virgil looked shocked and alarmed for a second before he pulled a penlight out of his pocket.

"Follow my finger." He said.

"Virgil!" Alan half shouted batting his brother's hand away. "I didn't hit my head."

He attempted to storm off but the trailing diagnostic wires stopped him.

"Alan, stop!" Virgil said firmly. "You are going to hurt yourself. You've already pulled them out once."

That stopped Alan in his tracks.

"What?" Virgil said, confused.

"I was awake then. How did you know about that?" Alan said. His head was starting to pound and the voice-in-the-silence was still whispering away at him.

"You're awake now!" Virgil said panicked. "Why don't you believe me? Why would I lie to you about this?"

_Because they died, Alan. He is lying to you. You know this._

"Shut up." Alan said to the voice.

"Wha-? Why?" Virgil spluttered.

"Not you." Alan explained. "The other voice."

"What voice?!" Virgil demanded his face draining of colour.

Alan opened his mouth to explain.

_Oh no, you don't Alan. It's time to wake up._

The pain in Alan's head exploded in colour and light. Alan gasped and gripped on to the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong with me?" Alan gasped grabbing a fistful of Virgil's shirt as his elder brother tried to keep him upright.

"I don't know." Virgil replied in a lost voice.

That scared Alan more than he wanted to admit. Virgil always had all of the answers.

_Because that isn't Virgil._

Alan ripped himself out of Virgil's arms.

"Who are you? You're not _him_! You can't fool me!"

"Allie, just calmed down."

_Wakey, wakey, Alan._

* * *

Alan opened his eyes. It wasn't night at all. It was morning. And he was alone.

* * *

_eeep! Don't hate me for leaving it there! _

_Please review, please! It'll make me feel all loved and might make Chapter Five make an early appearance! :D_


	5. Chapter 5

Hi! Thank you so much to everyone for their lovely reveiws! I had a mean and evil day yesterday and it was lovely to come home to such supportive feedback! Here is Chapter Five! :)

Disclaimer: Check!

* * *

Alan looked around him. He was stood on the beach. The empty bottle of water and Tylenol was at his feet.

"Hello, Alan."

Alan jumped and span around. The Hood was stood in front of him.

"Did you really think it would be that easy, Alan?" The Hood said mockingly.

"What would be that easy?" Alan asked.

The Hood stared at Alan for a long moment before pressing his fingertips together.

"Interesting." He said thoughtfully. "My initial plan was not successful." The Hood admitted. "Whilst this is a set back and I have discovered something a lot more interesting. I didn't know that my niece also had my powers. She will be interesting to use, and bend and to break."

"You stay away from her!" Alan yelled taking an angry step forward.

Suddenly Alan was thrown back landing roughly on the sand.

"You also intrigue me, Alan." The Hood continued as though he had not been interrupted. He turned his back on Alan and surveyed the sea. "I can manipulate your body but not your mind. Why is that do you think?"

Alan struggled back to his feet but did not answer. He moved so that he stood next to the Hood.

"What do you want?" Alan asked flatly.

"You must have noticed that there are two futures running alongside each other. Sliding doors if you will. In one reality Thunderbird Five was destroyed, in the other it was not. But, only one is of these is real. You have to pick one. It is a game you see."

"Why are you doing this?" Alan asked.

"No one, without distinct and developed mental powers, has been able to resist me before." The Hood replied turning to face Alan. "I want to know why and I want to know how far my influence will stretch. This is a little game to keep me amused whilst we find out."

"What if I refuse to play?" Alan asked in anger.

"It is too late for that that, Alan." The Hood laughed. "The game has already begun. It started as soon as you resisted opening the door for me in the silos and it will end when you chose a future. One future will then be terminated when you… terminate yourself, shall we say?"

"You want me to choose a future and then kill myself in the other one?" Alan asked incredulously.

"Yes, exactly. Consider it this way, when you die in a dream you wake up in reality. When you die in reality you wake up in a dream. It is up to you to distinguish dream from reality."

"Then I've already picked!" Alan said. "Or did you miss that?"

"No, I could hardly miss it. You almost ruined everything with that little stunt. You made a choice in grief rather than a conscious decision as to which was real."

"It was you." Alan said suddenly. "The voice I've been hearing. That was you?"

The Hood smiled an evil cunning smile. "Yes, Alan. I wanted to know how far my influence would stretch. It seems that it stretched further than I would have thought considering your resistance to me."

The world started to run, like an oil painting in the rain.

"Remember Alan, this will only end when you make a choice. Choose wisely."

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

"_Dad, come on, are we coming through?"_

"_Mr Tracy, can you hear me? Come in."_

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

"_Dad, come on!"_

"_Mr Tracy, can you hear me? Come in."_

"_Dad?"_

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

"_How long have they got?"_

"_45 seconds until re-entry!"_

"_Dammit, Jeff! Wake up!"_

"_I think that's the first time you have ever called me by my first name, Brains. Thanks for waking me."_

Alan watched through wide eyes as another sequence of events played out. This felt equally real to the numb grief he felt after he watched Thunderbird Five destruct. In this alternate sequence of events, Fermat, Tin Tin and himself went to London in Thunderbird One.

That alone nearly made Alan search for a long piece of rope and a wobbly stool. His father would never have allowed the three kids to run off to face the Hood. But Alan watched as he squared up against the Hood in the Bank of London… either the Hood had rummaged far into his mind or this _was_ the reality. Alan watched his split second decision to save the Hood's life as he dangled above the Mole.

He watched the angst and despair on his father's face. The panic on Tin Tin's.

Alan didn't know.

He couldn't tell.

Part of him wanted to make the rush decision of choosing his family as the reality because even if it wasn't he didn't want to live anyone. He had already proved that once.

* * *

All points for Chapter Five go to Sammygirl1963 for correctly guessing!


	6. Chapter 6

This time Alan awoke knowing exactly where he was and what was going on. There was silence and for the first time since this nightmare had begun the Hood was not whispering to him. Alan was still in the infirmary but he was no longer attached to any diagnostic equipment. One check for the not-reality list.

Alan gently peeled one eye open and then the other. He was alone. Another check for the not-reality list. He flexed all his muscles in a quick inventory. He felt fine… all of the pain he had felt before had gone. Another check. Alan rolled out of bed. He quickly strode to the medicine cupboard and pulled the door open. He took two bottles out… one was Tylenol and the other was sleeping tablets.

Alan made no attempt to leave the infirmary and find out whether this was the future that contained his family or not. He stood at the window and looked out over the Island. It was early morning and it was going to be a gorgeous day. He stood and waited for the island's occupants to find him.

Virgil came down first, still in his long pyjama bottoms, yawning and carrying a mug of coffee.

"Morning, Al." He said round his yawn. "How you feeling this morning?"

"Fine." Alan replied, privately relieved that his family was here. "A lot better actually."

"Good, good." Replied Virgil absently as he drained his mug.

Virgil went on to say something else but Alan had stopped paying attention. He had put three checks in the not-reality list. Damn it. That wasn't a good start. It didn't prove anything. It didn't. It certainly wasn't enough to make a decision.

Alan internally cursed the Hood in his head, using language that his father and brothers certainly wouldn't have tolerated Alan saying aloud.

A hand on his shoulder made Alan jump. Virgil was looking at him in concern.

"You alright, Al?" Virgil said worriedly.

"Yeah, sure, sorry I was just thinking."

"You had me worried." Virgil said. "I've been trying to get your attention for about five minutes."

Inevitably Virgil produced a penlight and asked Alan to follow his finger. Alan complied without a fuss because he was too relieved that Virgil was there and, morbidly, was worried that soon Virgil would be gone again. His compliance only made Virgil more worried.

"What's with you this morning?" Virgil asked putting the penlight down.

Alan shrugged and didn't reply. He couldn't. He knew that if he tried to explain it, he would break down. Besides he didn't want his family thinking that he was nuts.

"Alan." Virgil said firmly.

Alan knew that he would have to say something and Virgil, with his psychic-big-brother powers, would know if Alan said anything less than the truth.

"I just had some really weird dreams." He said tightly, trying to keep his emotions under wraps.

Virgil cocked his head, assuming that there was more to it. "Wanna talk about it?"

Alan shook his head and looked away, back out the window.

"Nightmare?" Virgil asked.

Alan knew that Virgil wasn't gonna let it go. He would have to half-fudge the truth.

"I dreamt that you were all killed on a call out." He said not looking at his older brother. "It was really vivid."

Virgil wrapped Alan in a tight hug.

"Don't worry kiddo." He said softly. "It was only a dream. We are all okay."

Alan could only make a non-committal nod and didn't meet Virgil's gaze. For the first time a reassurance from a big brother was not going to make it all okay.

"Come on." Virgil said wrapping a comforting arm around Alan's shoulders. "Time for some breakfast. Everyone should be at the table by now."

Virgil escorted Alan up to the dining table. Alan stumbled to a halt and was content to just stare at his family for a minute just enjoying that they were there. The possibility that this wasn't real just kept hitting him over and over again, and he was so very and completely afraid.

He stood and watched as Scott chased Gordon around the room for pulling jelly in his running shoes. It was all so familiar and comforting that Alan didn't want to move in fear that he would break the spell and he would suddenly wake up in the future where he had no family.

Jeff noticed Alan standing in the doorway and pulled him into the room, asking if he was feeling better. Scott and Gordon both paused in their game long enough to clap him on the shoulder and they were off again. Virgil, rolling his eyes at their antics, passed a glass of orange juice to Alan.

John strode through the French doors that led to the pools.

"Morning all." He said smiling.

"Morning John. How are you doing today?" Jeff asked.

"Not too bad." John replied awkwardly and pseudo cheerfully. "The pain is better today."

Everyone jumped at the sound of a shattering glass. Alan was shaking and was so startled that the glass had slipped from his suddenly numb fingers.

John's right sleeve hung empty. His T-shirt was tight enough that Alan could tell that the limb was not in a sling. His right arm wasn't there at all. He stared at John not knowing what to say. _Another check_ screamed his mind. There was no way that this could be real.

"Alan, calm down." Scott had his hand on Alan's arm.

It was only then that Alan realised that he was practically hyperventilating. His confused and frightened eyes sought out Virgil.

"The initial explosion in Thunderbird Five caused a lot of damage." Virgil said softly. "We had no choice. We had to amputate."

"It's okay, Alan." John said. "I'm okay."

No. No. NO. No no no nonononono. This wasn't real.

Alan pulled himself out of Scott's arms and sprinted from the room. He heard the clattering of someone following him but he didn't care.

He needed answers.

He knew just who could help him, and it didn't matter which 'future' he was in.

Alan threw himself in to his room, slammed and locked the door. He wedged his chair under the handle for good measure. He checked that his balcony door was also locked. He ignored the pounding on the door. He withdrew into his bathroom and locked that door too. It would take them a while now if they were determined to get in. Alan read the back of the packet for the sleeping tablets and shook three pills into his hand. He dry swallowed them and sank down on to the cold tiled floor to wait. The drugs took effect quickly. The last conscious thought Alan had was of John. It couldn't be real. It couldn't be true.

* * *

Eeeeppppp! Misterida has now entered herself into the writer's protection program! There will be an update soon so don't hate me! In the meantime please review…?

As always thank you to everyone to have has been reviewing, favouriting and following! I hope that I have been organised and replied to everyone... if I haven't sorry! And thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you again to everyone who is reading! I hope that you are all still enjoying it! Thank you all for your support!_

* * *

Alan's eyes snapped open. He was _still_ in the infirmary. He rolled out of bed and dashed for the door; time was wasting. He didn't know how long he would have in this 'reality' and he needed to make as much of this opportunity as he could.

Alan sprinted at a breakneck run through the house up to the kitchen. Onaha looked up in surprise at the sound of his footsteps. She dropped the fruit she was holding as he ran in.

"Alan sweetie, how are you feeling?" She asked taking him in her arms for a tight hug.

"I'm okay." Alan said. "I need to talk to Tin Tin. Do you know where I could find her?"

"She's down on the south beach with Fermat." Onaha said brushing his hair back from his face. "Are you sure you are okay?"

"Considering." It was all he could say, not really wanting to go into it just yet.

He kissed her cheek in thanks, nicked an apple from the side and ran from the kitchen with Onaha's half hearted, and laughing, threats hanging in the air.

Alan sprinted as fast as his legs would carry him down to the beach.

Fermat was sat in the sand and Tin Tin was stood throwing rocks into the sea angrily. They both looked up in surprise at Alan's footsteps.

"Alan!" Fermat gasped. "Are you alright?"

Alan dropped to his knees next to Fermat gasping for breath. Before Alan had a chance to catch his breath both Tin Tin and Fermat had thrown their arms around him in a massive hug.

"Don't you ever do that again, Alan Tracy!" Tin Tin practically shouted in his ear.

"What are you talking about?" Alan asked confused.

"Alan, I'm sorry about your family, I really am, but suicide isn't the answer." Tin said in angst, tears over spilling and running down her face.

Alan looked at Fermat in confusion but the young genius looked as equally sincere and upset.

Alan stopped for a moment and tried to sort everything out. Of course, he had taken the overdose in the reality where his family had died. The Hood had saved him, Alan assumed, from what The Hood had said on the beach. A check for not-reality. Surely the Hood didn't have enough power to save him from that?

"I'm sorry." He said looking between his two best friends. "I wasn't thinking... I just wasn't ready… I'm not…"

He broke off and took a deep breath looking out to the ocean. He missed the pitying glance that Tin Tin and Fermat shared.

Alan cleared his throat and looked at Tin Tin.

"I need your help with something, Tin." He said.

"What's that?" Tin Tin replied.

"I need to know some stuff about the Hood, and about the powers that you have." Alan said awkwardly. He knew that Tin Tin was upset about finding out about her uncle but he didn't have the time for tact.

Fermat winced as Tin Tin got to her feet and resumed chucking rocks into the ocean.

"I'm sorry, Tin Tin. I know you don't want to talk about it, but I don't think that this is over yet and you are the only person who can help me."

Tin Tin turned around abruptly to face him.

"W-w-w-what are you t-t-t-talking about, Alan?" Fermat asked.

Alan took a deep breath and explained everything that had happened as he remembered it.

"And now I don't know what is real and what isn't. I need your help Tin Tin."

Tin Tin stood and started to pace thoughtfully. Alan and Fermat exchanged a glance but didn't say anything.

In that silence was something that Alan had come to dread.

_She fears her powers, Alan. She cannot help you._

"Oh can it." Alan sighed in exasperation.

Fermat looked at his oddly but Tin Tin frowned.

"Is he talking to you?" She asked.

Alan nodded, "Can you hear him?"

Tin Tin shook her head, "Not exactly. I can feel his interference more than anything else. It's hard to explain."

_No!_

The shout in his mind made him jump.

Tin Tin smiled. It was unlike her usual smile, which was bright and welcoming. This smile was dark and vicious.

"He knows what I think." She said triumphantly.

She dropped her knees in the sand directly in front of Alan.

"This is going to be uncomfortable." She warned as she placed her hands over his temples.

Suddenly Alan's mind was not his own anymore. It was like he was a memory chip and Tin Tin was trying to download the data straight into his mind. To begin with he tried to individually process each new piece of information as he received it.

_Sssshhhh Alan, don't fight it._ Tin Tin's voice whispered in his mind.

_Wake up, Alan. _The Hood demanded

* * *

"God dammit, Alan! Wake up!" Scott's voice vibrated round his tired and aching head. "What did you take?"

Alan could not make his eyes focus; they kept rolling into the back of his head. His fumbling hand pulled out the packet of sleeping tablets which he pressed into Scott's hand.

"Jesus Christ, Alan! How many did you take?" It was Virgil who was shouting at him this time.

"Thhrrreeee." Alan slurred as he felt his body once more relax under the weight of the drugs.

* * *

"Al?" Virgil asked softly. He didn't sound angry or worried anymore. Alan wondered why. "Al, are you awake?"

Alan tried to reply but his throat was sore. So very sore and dry. There was something over his face. Panicked, his hands flew to his face.

"No, Allie. Leave it. It's been helping you breathe."

There were noises in the background, beeping machines and the sound of the door opening. Suddenly his hand was gently being held.

"Thank God. Allie, how are you feeling now?" His father asked.

There were other voices in the darkness. Alan could not make out what they were saying but knew that Scott and Gordon were there too. This felt familiar but at the same time strange… like déjà vu.

"Okay, Al, I need you to follow my finger for me."

Alan cracked one eye enough to give Virgil a disdainful look.

His father and two other brothers laughed fondly.

"How are you feeling, Al?" Virgil asked. There was someone running their hand through his hair and someone else holding his other hand now. The bed dipped down as his family sat around him.

"Wha' 'appened?" Alan asked croakily.

"Sssshhhh" Scott soothed. "Don't try to talk just now."

"Wha' 'appened?"Alan asked more forcibly.

He didn't understand. Okay so the three sleeping pills had been three times over the recommended dosage but he wanted to sleep for a long time and he didn't understand. What he knew, what he thought, and what was happening didn't add up.

_Stupid Hood. Needs hobbies. _ Alan thought.

Gordon's laughter indicated that Alan had actually spoken his thoughts.

"Where is John?" Alan asked. His mind was jumping faster than he could follow. "I'm sorry about before. I need to tell him that I'm sorry. I just… I didn't…. where is John?" He shifted restlessly.

"John's fine, Allie." Virgil said soothingly. "Don't worry for now. He's still asleep."

Before Alan could reply Jeff cut in.

"Why are you sorry, Allie?"

"I'm sorry about his arm, and that I ran away." Alan slurred rolling on to one side and snuggling into the pillows.

"What do you mean, Al?"

"Will he still be work with you, despite _that_?" Alan asked. He couldn't bring himself to say amputation.

"Sssshhhh, Allie. Don't worry about it for now. Just sleep now. You'll get the answers that you _need_." Tin Tin kissed his cheek gently.

The darkness rolled over him and Alan sank into it unwillingly.

* * *

Alan opened his eyes to a brightly lit room. Tin Tin was stood in front of him.

"Finally." She said smiling. "It took you long enough."

* * *

_Any theories? Chapter points will go to any correct guesses! As always, please review!_


	8. Chapter 8

Alan opened his eyes to a brightly lit room. Tin Tin was stood in front of him.

"Finally." She said smiling. "It took you long enough."

"Where are we?" Alan asked looking about in confusion.

"Where do you think?" She asked.

"Tin, I am not in the mood for games." He said flatly, his patience starting to wear thin.

"So, you figured out that with the two realities, when you are sleeping in one you are awake in the other, yes?" Alan nodded and she continued, "so where do you go when you are asleep in both?"

Alan thought… technically, he assumed, that would be within the deep recesses of him mind… but the longer he looked around, the more his mind looked like the cockpit of Thunderbird Two.

"I needed to get you here to explain some things to you. The Hood's influence is not as strong here, although it still limits me to an extent. I can't give you straight answers; he will twist and contort them. But I can still give you what you _need_."

Alan thought with anger about the comments the Hood had made regarding Tin Tin.

"Yes, he told me his desires himself." She commented lightly.

"When?! Wait, how did you-"

"I've currently set up shop in your mind; with some practice you could read my thoughts as easily as I can read yours right now. And although I cannot explain properly, the Hood, my Uncle, and I communicate differently that ordinary people. I can explain it all to you later. We don't have much time here. This is an in-between place that exists because you needed it to, and I created it for a short while."

Alan opened his mouth to yet more questions but she pulled on his arm, making him sit on the floor. She sat down opposite keeping her hand on his arm.

"I know you have so many questions right now, Alan. And I know how confused you are. I can feel it. We don't have the time and I am sorry for that. When this is all said and done and finished I will tell you everything as much as I can explain it. For now, there are some things that you _need_ to help you."

She paused, and Alan realised for the first time just how beautiful she was. She was poised and she was fierce. She cleared her throat.

"There is only one rule, Alan that you need to know about. There are no second chances. This game is going to go on whether you want to play or not. The Hood has presented you with Cross Road futures, he has given you everything you _want_ and everything you _fear_. There is not only 'this' future and 'that' future, there are thousands of futures that you control. Each one is test of _you_, as time passes the possibilities continue to dwindle and merge until you are left with one future and only one future. That future is up to you. The Hood doesn't and can't control you! He told you himself that he is limited with the ways he can touch your mind. You already have everything you need to make a _decision_ but your currently basing it on assumptions that are not true. Why do you believe that the Hood told you the truth about this game? He told you he is playing with you. Think outside the box. He has planted two seeds in your mind and every time these seeds send out a root there are cracks in the illusion. You need to see these flaws for what they are."

She looked up at the ceiling panicked.

"He is here, he is interfering. We are out of time, Alan. Remember, you have everything you _need_. The only thing standing in your way, is _you_!"


	9. Chapter 9

_Hi everyone, sorry for the wait! Those pesky boys wouldn't cooperate! :) Still, here it is now!_

* * *

Alan woke up in the infirmary frustrated beyond belief. How hard was it to get answers? He laid there for a time considering everything Tin Tin had told him. There were things that she had said that he understood. There were other things that did not although he felt like they were there just beyond his reach.

He put his hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He had a better idea now of what he was looking for. The pieces would fall into place he was sure. He just wasn't sure if he wanted it to. Although, what had Tin Tin said? 'The game will go on whether you want to play it or not.' He had a feeling that the Hood would force him to make a decision on way or the other. Presumably he would not allow Alan to continue in this Twilight Zone for ever.

As Alan thought about this, the door to the infirmary was pushed open and Gordon bounded in.

"Morning lazy butt!" He cried as he jumped up on the bed almost squishing Alan's feet. "Are you gonna stay in bed all day?"

Alan carefully sat up.

"Is everyone mad at me?" He asked thinking back to Scott and Virgil's reaction over the sleeping tablets.

Gordon frowned, "No one's mad at you. Why? Should they be?"

_He has planted two seeds in your mind and every time these seeds send out a root there are cracks in the illusion. You need to see these flaws for what they are._

"Gords, why am I in the infirmary?"

Gordon hesitated with panic on his face. "I don't know. What happened?"

Alan swung his feet off the bed and strode from the infirmary. He had three checks in the not-reality list. There was another pretty big check… each time he woke up this 'reality' seemed to reset itself. He was in pain then he wasn't. He had collapsed in Virgil's arms and nothing more had been said, he'd passed out on Brains; nothing more was said. Pretty big flaws as far as Alan was concerned.

He strode up to his father's office. Surprisingly Jeff wasn't there. _Another check_, Alan thought sarcastically but then immediately felt bad. _He wasn't always in his office. He left for meals… and stuff_. Alan quickly gave up on trying to justify his father's workaholic tendencies.

"Al, what are you doing?" Gordon asked, making Alan jump.

"I wanna see what happened." Alan replied opening the footage files from the day of the Hood's attack.

"Why?" Gordon questioned looking confused. "You were there. You know what happened."

"Mmmm." Alan replied non-committedly.

Tin Tin walked into the office and plonked herself down on the sofa.

"Looking for flaws?" She asked.

"How did you know-?" Alan started confused.

He had spoken with Tin Tin in the 'other future' he not spoken to her in this future so far.

"I'm still me." She replied. "Whether I am here or there… or anywhere else."

Alan cocked his head at her. She smiled.

"What are you three up to?" Virgil asked sticking his head through the door. "Al, I have been looking everywhere for you."

"We are gonna watch the security footage from Saturday." Tin Tin replied.

Virgil frowned and looked at Gordon who shrugged equally perplexed.

They sat and watched the footage. Over time the missing members of the family drifted in and sat down. Alan knew his brothers were watching him closely in concern. He was actively avoiding looking at them. Especially John. The astronaut had wandered in last out of the brothers. Alan had glanced enough to see that reality hadn't changed that much. The footage matched closely with what the Hood had shown him, but there were differences. Alan picked up the footage from Thunderbirds One and Two as well as the footage from the Bank of London which Jeff had secured before they had left London. The brothers seemed suspiciously calm about the events that had passed between their youngest brother and the Hood. Suspicious settled heavily in Alan's mind.

He loaded up the footage from Thunderbird Five.

"Why?" Asked Scott. "What difference does any of this make now?"

Alan shrugged.

"Al." Scott said flatly, in a voice that demanded an answer.

"I need to know." Alan said.

He set the footage running before anyone could ask any more questions.

Most of the footage was what Alan had been expecting. No mention of home and various attempts to restore power to the stricken satellite, forcing the air locks and getting more oxygen. There were a few things that Alan had not expected. After Alan had called and failed to restore control to Thunderbird Five work had continued industrially for several minutes. Eventually even Jeff had to admit defeat on any engineering solutions.

"_Dammit." Jeff snapped throwing a socket wrench across the room. _

_The wrench dinged off one of the bulk heads and slowly the remaining lights dimmed and went out._

"_Don't insult m'baby." John slurred mulishly. _

_Virgil had given John a strong shot of morphine when they had arrived and the second Tracy son was becoming progressively more out of it by the minute. _

_The five Tracy's sat on the floor in silence._

"_Boys, I am so sorry. When I created IR it was so that other families wouldn't have to suffer like ours did. Now look at us." Jeff studied his hands rather than look at his four eldest children._

"_Dad, we knew what we were getting into when we joined." Scott said calmly. "We always knew that there was a chance that one day one of us wouldn't make it back."_

"_You boys have made me so proud. You gave up so much to help me fulfil my dream. I just wish that you could have had partners and children of your own."_

"_Alan will grow up." Gordon offered in the following silence. "He will still have that chance." _

_The five men looked at each other. None of them wanted to think it but they were leaving their youngest, their most vulnerable, alone._

"_Man, that kid is gonna be one hell of an adult." Virgil said._

"_I just wish that I could have seen it, you know?" Scott said softly his voice cracking._

"_Penny reckons that him and Tin Tin will have something one day." Jeff added smiling softly._

"_Huh." Gordon said. "Al and Tin? I didn't see that coming… guess we won't." He added bitterly._

"_All that matters is that he will grow up. At least he isn't up here too." John said quietly wiping a stray tear._

Alan couldn't watch anymore. He stomach turned over. He dropped the remote and dashed to the nearest bathroom. As his stomach rebelled all he could think of was how he had thrown that back in the face of his family. If his family _had_ died, the last things they had said was that they were relieved that Alan would still have a chance at living. And what had Alan done? He hoped his family would never find out what he had done in his grief.

* * *

As always pretty please review! It makes me happy!


	10. Chapter 10

_Wow! Chapter Ten! The first time any of my stories have reached double digit chapters! :) Thank you so much for your support and reviews, and for favouriting and following me! It wouldn't be any fun without you guys!_

_Okay, warning time. To celebrate my double digit chapter there is extra angst. Tissues are probably required here, sorry in advance. I don't quite know where this came from._

* * *

Alan blinked. He was back sitting on the beach with Tin and Fermat, and entirely uncertain as to had he had got there from the other 'future'.

"Do you understand now?" Tin Tin asked.

Alan could see the cracks in the illusion. He nodded. He carefully climbed to his feet.

"C'mon." He said.

The three walked back to the villa where Tin Tin immediately loaded up the security footage. Alan watched. This series of events was in keeping with the way he remembered things. He was conscious of the way Tin Tin was staring at him. He could feel her urging him on to work it out. He got the feeling that he was still missing something but couldn't put his finger on what. He took the keyboard from Tin Tin and loaded up the footage from Thunderbird Five.

The footage was similar but the conversation continued past what it had in the other 'future'. Alan forced his strung out stomach to cooperate. He wasn't sure whether this was on the other footage and he hadn't stayed long enough to watch it or if that it had stopped at that point. Alan could taste the bile in the back of his throat.

"_All that matters is that he will grow up. At least he isn't up here too." John said quietly wiping a stray tear._

_There was a few minutes silence._

"_Do you remember when he was a kid and used to cling on to us like a limpet?" John eventually said._

"_I'd forgotten all about that!" Gordon said smiling._

"_Well you were still pretty young too, Gordo." Virgil said with a laugh._

"_I remember that he used to come in and curl up on the end of your bed when he had a nightmare." Scott said looking at Gordon._

"_Yeah, and then I had to coerce him into actually lying alongside me." Gordon said smiling although his voice cracked. "He only grew out of it a couple of years ago. He stopped doing it after my accident."_

_Scott and Gordon exchanged fond glances. John stared at his feet and Virgil the ceiling._

"_What?" Gordon asked looking between them._

"_He stopped curling up on your bed because he was scared he would hurt you. He started sleeping on my bed." John said quietly. "He begged me not to tell you. He thought it would hurt your feelings. Besides, he had bruises from where you were such a fidgety sleeper."_

"_Well, what about when you are up here?" Scott asked._

_John looked at Virgil._

"_For ages I didn't even realise that kid was doing it." Admitted the heavy sleeper. "He always left before I woke up. I had a nightmare and woke up and there he was curled up but wide awake at the foot of my bed. He told me that he was scared of being alone."_

_There was a hard silence at that, where the tension was so thick that you could have cut it with that pipe wrench._

"_The Kyranos and Hackenbackers will look after him." Jeff said. "And I made arrangements that Lady P would be his legal guardian if something happened to all of us."_

_There was a second of quiet before Gordon giggled. The sound was so unusual coming from the Olympian that the rest of the family just stared._

"_Well Ferm and Alan are roommates right? So, Alan is probably comfortable enough with Fermat being there, but somehow I can't picture Alan curling up at the end of Fermat's bed." The rest of the family also smiled at that mental image. "Nor is he likely to curl up on the end of Brain's bed and not a chance in hell is he going to sleep on Onaha and Kyrano's bed." _

_John outright snorted at that._

"_So, you're thinking that Alan is going sneak to Tin's room!" Scott finished laughing._

"_Well, until Kyrano finds out about it." Virgil said._

"_The Sprout's fast but do you reckon he could out run Kyrano?" Gordon said laughing._

_There was nothing but laughter for several seconds. Before the conversation could continue there was a shrill beeping that lasted for 30 seconds. The brothers all looked at John._

"_That was the oxygen alarm." He said sighing. "That's it now. The only oxygen we have is now in the room."_

_There was a sombre silence._

"_I miss watching you try and wrestle him into having a bath, back when he was three." Virgil said trying to keep the conversation light._

"_Yeah, thank god when he got to an age where he could bathe himself!" Scott said smiling._

_The conversation continued in this vain for several minutes. _

_Each Tracy mentioned their favourite memory of their youngest which brought about much laughter with the renewal of old or forgotten memories. This in turn brought other memories to light._

_Each Tracy seemed to find it easier that way. There was no more mention of the things that they wouldn't live to see but the despair was kept at bay by reminding themselves of the joys of their close knit family._

_No one noticed John slowly drift into the land of sleep._

"_When he used to deliberately hide out when we were shopping in department stores!" Scott said in frustration. "The little bugger would be wetting his pants with laughter watching us tear around the store looking for him! All I could think was that he couldn't talk and if he had been snatched he wouldn't be able to say anything! And then we would find him hyperventilating with laughter."_

_Virgil and Gordon laughed._

"_John?" Jeff asked noticing his quiet._

_Virgil pushed himself off the floor and walked over to John. He shook his brother gently and then checked his pulse. After several seconds he withdrew his hand and shook his head. He took out a foil blanket from his med kit and gently tucked his brother in._

"_Sleep well, Johnny. Dream of the stars." He said his voice breaking as tears streamed down his face._

_Each of the others stepped forward and kissed John's forehead, which was gradually becoming cold despite the ever rising temperature in the satellite. _

_The conversation was continued but seemed a bit more forced. One by one each of the brothers fell asleep until only Jeff was still alive. Nobody would see him tuck each of his precious children in, brush the hair back from their foreheads and kiss their hot brows._

"_Sleep well. I love you." He told each of them quietly. "I'll see you on the other side."_

_The Tracy patriarch forced the blinds on one of the windows open and stared at the stars. Suddenly he jumped and spun around._

"_Lucy." He all but whispered stretching out a hand towards something that only he could see. "Finally. I missed you. I knew you would find me."_

_His eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed onto the floor with a hollow thud._

_Not even thirty seconds after that:_

"_Thunderbird Five, come in."_

* * *

So there we go. Please review! I like knowing what you guys think! :)


	11. Chapter 11

_Hi guys, sorry it has taken so long for this post to make an appearance! Anyway… here it is now and I hope you all enjoy! As always please review! :)_

* * *

Fermat and Tin Tin didn't mention what they had seen in the footage from Thunderbird Five. Alan knew that realistically it didn't make any difference, even if he had called in a few minutes earlier as his brothers were already dead, but that didn't help the feelings of guilt that he was so close to saving his father.

Alan eventually watched the remainder of the footage from the reality where his family had survived. Obviously there were some differences. The main and most important being that his family fell asleep, and had survived long enough for the ground team to restore power to the satellite. The other difference was that whilst the conversation was the same it was mainly conducted on the ceiling by Gordon and John and in varying positions by Jeff, Scott and Virgil who continued to work tirelessly on the stricken satellite working to restore power. The Tracy family didn't give up the faith, although one by one they did drift off to sleep as the oxygen in the air was used. Alan was perplexed by the differences, and the flaws, and could only come to one conclusion.

* * *

Over the course of the week Alan went through varying stages of confusion and frustration. Because he was flickering back and forth between futures rather than sleeping he was also becoming increasingly tired. He knew what he believed and what he didn't want to believe. The Hood had not yet pressured him for a decision and he was glad because he wasn't ready. Although, he was starting to suspect that he would never be ready to make this decision.

One reason he wasn't ready was because he needed answers from his family. He felt that if he didn't ask now he would never know. He gathered his family in the living room.

"The Hood said some things to me and I wanted to know if what he said was true." Alan began.

"He was lying to you, Sprout." Scott said immediately.

"So you didn't leave the Hood to die?" Alan asked.

"We didn't leave him to die, but yes we left him. We thought he was dead." Jeff said seriously.

"Did you know his other henchmen and woman, or do you think they were hired help?"

"Most I think we hired help. Mullion lost his partner in an earthquake and always blamed us for not being able to save him." Scott said.

"What is this really about, Al?" John asked. "What did he say that is bothering you?"

"Oh, nothing really."

"Alan."

Big brother peer pressure. Alan sighed. It was inescapable.

"So, he made a few comments." Alan said half-heartedly.

"About what?" Virgil said softly.

"It's stupid. Besides, it doesn't really bother me." Alan said, changing his mind about wanting this conversation. He turned away.

"Bullshit."

"Gordon!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Sorry, Dad. But I call 'em as I see 'em. Bullshit. You can't give us that Allie and expect to just walk away. What did he say to you?"

Alan still didn't answer, although he did pause with his back to his family.

"Come on, Sprout."

"Just tell us."

"It can't be that bad."

"He said that you hated me." The words came out as an explosion of air, so quick that the family could barely catch it. "He said that you didn't want me as part of your family. That I am forgotten. That it was my fault. You know that mom… Is that what you wanted to hear?"

He went to storm out of the room, knowing that he was losing his tenuous hold on his emotions, which were currently strung out.

"Allie, hey, wait." Scott said gently grabbing his brother arm. "You know that is all a load of rubbish right?"

Alan didn't answer.

"_Right?_" Scott said more forcibly.

There was a long pause.

"You don't know." John said flatly, staring at his brother in horror. "You believe the Hood?"

"I don't know what to believe." Alan said quickly before anyone else could get their two cents in. "I don't believe that you hate me. But for the rest of it, yeah I believe him."

There was a moment of silence and then there was the babble of five people shouting over the top of each other.

"Enough." Shouted Jeff. "Enough. Alright… Alan why do you believe him? What have we done that makes you believe those things?"

"That I am not allowed to stay here on the island with you all. That I have to watch the rescues on the TV, because god forbid you actually tell me what you get up to… or even bother to call when one of you is injure… or actually call at all! How about, that all you ever talk about is the 'birds or previous rescues and then when I _try_ and join in you all just put me down! It's not my fault that I am so much younger, and that I can't take part yet but you don't even want me to be a part of this. You deliberately exclude me! Don't even try and deny it."

This tirade of held back feeling and thoughts left Alan almost panting for breath. In the silence was two things… the Hood whispering his poison, and the Tracy's exchanging a look.

"Alan, you are so desperate to grow up, but at the same time we are so desperate to stop it from happening too quickly." Scott said carefully.

"You only ever hear about the amazing and fun rescues where everything is okay." John said. "They aren't all like that. Not by a long shot. We didn't want you to have to see those things."

"You seriously think, I haven't seen them?" Alan asked hollowly. "You don't even know the stir that the Thunderbirds cause the rest of the world, do you? Every single rescue is broadcast on TV. I have seen almost every rescue you have been on. Don't tell me I don't know!"

"Yeah, Allie.. you saw the rescues but you still don't see the things we see." Virgil said carefully. "You don't get to see the people we can't save. There are some things that the new broadcasts don't show."

"So, if you are so desperate to protect me why did you let me go to London?" Alan asked.

"Because, you had already seen those things that we were trying to hide from you. You saw someone who didn't flinch at killing everyone in this family. You saw someone who wouldn't hesitate to hurt a child. You saw someone who locked eight people in a freezer and left them to die. I let you go to London so that you could take control. You spent that whole morning and afternoon being chased and hunted and hurt by an absolute psycho. And there wasn't one family member here to protect you. By letting you go, we could see you sooner, because we were heading for London too and it meant that you didn't have to see the destruction left at home by the people that tried to hurt us. It meant that you could action, rather than only reacting. Alan, we do love you and we do want you as part of this family."

"So why then do you tease and rile me all the time?" Alan asked softly. He didn't know what to make of this information. It was easier to keep pushing forward rather than stop and examine what he had.

"Like when?" Gordon asked.

"Like at lunch the day I got back from school." Alan suggested.

"We didn't, did we?" Said Virgil frowning, then suddenly his expressions cleared. "No, no I remember we did. Of course we did."

This gave Alan the answer that he needed. The answers that he had been looking for. The flaws and the cracks all around him. Alan turned to Tin Tin, who over the course of this conversation had sidled into the room.

"Tin, how extensive is the Hood's psychic powers." He asked. "Can he actually hear thoughts or can he just sense emotions?"

Tin Tin's smile was a thousand watts. "Finally. Now you are asking the right questions."

* * *

It was for this reason, among others, that in both realities Alan stole Scott's ex-service handgun from the safe in his father's office.

* * *

_Should I still be in the WPP?_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hi guys, sorry again for the delay! Here is Chapter Twelve! As always thank you so much for all the reviews and support!_

* * *

The next few days the Tracy's kept Alan very much in sight. They were all very concerned about Alan whether they wanted to admit it to each other or not. Alan kept trying to disappear off with Tin Tin which the family were incredibly worried about – especially after their discussions on the subject up on Thunderbird Five. Only Kyrano's calm presence kept them from rioting over it. Kyrano assured them that Alan just needed some time to deal with the Hood's attack and Tin was helping him.

Tin Tin was becoming increasingly concerned about Alan. He didn't want to talk about the Hood or the two realities and she couldn't figure out why. All Alan would say was that he knew and that was the end of it. As to what he 'knew' Tin Tin couldn't find out.

Alan, himself, was waiting. He could feel the Hood and knew that he was waiting for Alan to make a decision. Alan had made a decision regarding what he thought but had very careful about keeping it to himself. As long as the Hood didn't know what Alan thought, Alan felt safe.

The Tracy's thought that they had a secret weapon to keep Alan in sight and under foot. They were wrong, and perplexed that they couldn't figure out why. It had been Virgil's suggestion that Alan could help with the repairs on the Thunderbirds. He had been obsessed with them before and would have jumped at any opportunity. Now? Alan had thanked Virgil for the offer and fled. He didn't want to admit to any of his brothers what was happening to the 'birds in the other future. Alan, frustrated and angry had ripped out the control panel under the desk in Jeff's office. This had sealed all of the entrances into the silos. The Thunderbird machines would sit there and becoming dusty and rusty over time. Never again would people gather to catch a glimpse of these amazing machines. Never again would they respond to a call that no one else could help with. His brothers would never be shot down be it mistakenly like Virgil and the _USS Sentinel_ or deliberately like Scott and John. It had been all of their dreams; to help and save others that couldn't be saved by any other means. It was a noble dream; a worthy dream. And Alan refused to be a part of it. Never again would anyone have to die for that dream. Alan had made sure of it. He had no desire to help with repairing those death traps. If he thought he could get away with it he would have ripped out the control panel is this 'future' too.

Eventually, however, Jeff had put his foot down. Alan had helped to cause the damage (in places) he could help repair it. Alan, sighing and dragging his feet, had followed his father's wishes.

If the Tracy's had been concerned before that couldn't hold a flame to now. Alan had grown up hearing about Jeff's dream and had watched (from afar) as these machines had taken shape. The Thunderbirds was in his blood and mind more than the actual operatives in IR. His sudden lack of interest, and near hatred of the 'birds, confused and alarmed the other family and friends on the island.

"Alan can you grab me a size 9 screwdriver?" Virgil called down.

"Yeah." Alan called back.

He pulled himself to his feet sighing. "Helping" on the repair to the 'birds looked suspiciously like sitting on his butt and being to go-to boy for all of his brothers. He wasn't allowed to ask questions (not that he actually wanted to anymore), he wasn't allowed to touch and he certainly wasn't allowed to be involved in the repairs.

He rummaged in the box and pulled out the screwdriver Virgil wanted. He passed it up to his brother.

"Thanks, Sprout." Virgil replied.

Virgil had seen the sparks flying between the two youngest and had separated them. Gordon was angry about Thunderbird Four having taken a dunk in the Thames. As Alan had heatedly, and rightly, pointed out – he hadn't had much choice in the matter. Gordon hadn't taken that too well. Virgil had intercepted at that point and asked to borrow Alan. If Virgil was truly honest there wasn't much damage to Thunderbird Two. She had some slight damage from her rough landing in the Jubilee Gardens and from where Fermat had pulled out the guidance processor. Overall, it could have been a lot worse and he had taken the work in stride. It gave him something to do and a legitimate reasons to keep Alan near his side. Sort of. He kept asking for tools that he didn't really need but he wanted Alan to stay with him and if he wasn't seen to be using him then one of the other two brothers would usurp him. Scott knew exactly what was going on though. Every so often he would throw Virgil a look that told Virgil exactly what the eldest Tracy son was thinking. Not that Scott would say anything of course. He was equally happy to keep the youngest in sight and whenever Alan trotted off to get something his sharp eyes would follow him.

One of the damaged wiring units sparked drawing Virgil's attention back to the job.

"Dammit." Virgil hissed shaking his hand which had been slightly singed.

That whole panel would need to be taken out. Virgil thought ahead to what he would need to carry out the work.

"Al?" He called.

Alan grunted back.

"I need a few tools, you up to grabbing them for me?"

"Sure," Alan yawned. "what do you need?"

Virgil reeled a list off. Alan heaved himself to his feet.

Alan huffed in annoyance as he pulled various bits of gear from the shelving units.

Alan was so lost in his grumbling thoughts that he didn't notice one of the oxygen canisters wobbling on the shelf above the one he searching. Nor did he notice the instability that this caused to some of the fire extinguishers just along the row.

As Alan pulled out one of the larger tool boxes the entire shelving unit wobbled and then steadied. Alan sighed in relief. He never saw the first of the oxygen canisters fall. He felt a blinding pain in his head and felt the thunder echoing around him. He never knew that once the first canister fell it set off a tidal wave of dominos down the line knocking over other canisters which like bowling pins knocked down more. Alan never felt the weight on the items falling.

Scott, Virgil and Gordon looked up at the noise just a second too late to do anything about it.

"ALAN!"

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_Opps…. Pretty please review?_


	13. Chapter 13

Alan stood next the Hood watching, with a certain clinical detachment, as Scott, Virgil and Gordon all dropped what they were doing and rushed to a pile of fallen oxygen canisters and extinguishers. All three were on their wristcoms but all with different people.

"Brains, I need you to prep the infirmary for me now! Alan has been injured."

"John, get down to the silos. It's Alan."

"Father, Alan has been injured."

All three dropped to their knees and immediately began cleaning the debris.

"Oh god."

Alan couldn't tell which of the brothers had whispered it. The Hood stepped forward in interest to see the damage for himself. Alan didn't move. He had no desire to see what he looked like under the pile of mess.

Virgil checked Alan's pulse, panic and sorrow showed on his face. Virgil moved his fingers around for a few seconds before he ripped open Alan's shirt and put his head on Alan's chest. He listened and watched for a several long seconds before he sat back in shock.

"Well?" Scott demanded. "Do just sit there! What are we going to do?"

Virgil ran his hand through his hair and not looking at his brothers, shook his head.

"Virgil!" Gordon snapped.

"Brains!" Virgil called into his wristcom.

"I'm h-h-h-here." Brains stuttered as he dashed into the room.

Brains took one look at Alan and then turned to Virgil.

"Did you-?" He asked awkwardly.

"No, I was waiting for you."

"D-d-d-did you n-n-n-n-note the t-t-t-time?"

"10.17." Virgil said as one tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

Before either of the brothers could say or question anything Jeff and John rushed in.

"Oh my god!"

The Hood turned to Alan as Gordon and then Scott broke down. Now that the waterworks had started he seemed to have lost interest.

"Well, I didn't plan for that." He said. "So, have you made your decision?"

"Isn't it a bit late?" Alan asked.

"No, not at all." The Hood replied.

Alan didn't answer.

"Come on, Alan. Don't be like that. It's only a game. Which did you choose?"

They stood in an awkward silence for a minute.

"You don't think this is real do you?" The Hood said.

Both Alan and the Hood looked over at the Tracy Family. Jeff had his arms around Alan's lifeless body and was sobbing uncontrollably.

"No," Alan sighed. "I don't believe this is real."

The silo in front of Alan shivered and suddenly they were stood in the living room.

"So, you believe this reality is the real one?" The Hood then asked.

Fermat and Brains ran in out of breath.

"P-p-p-proximity alarm!" Brains yelled before stumbling to a stop.

"You!" Fermat gasped.

"Stay away from him!" Brains shouted moving forward. "You've hurt him enough!"

Suddenly both Brains and Fermat flew back against the wall before falling limply to the ground.

Alan concentrated. The Hood's startled gaze turned to him. All of the thoughts and feelings that Alan had gone through in the week, Alan concentrated on. The Hood staggered under the weight of the emotions.

_Now you are asking the right questions._

_A check for non-reality._

_Part of him wanted to make the rush decision of choosing his family as the reality because even if it wasn't he didn't want to live anymore. _

_For now, there are some things that you need to help you._

_Another check for non-reality._

_There is only one rule, Alan that you need to know about. There are no second chances. _

_Can he actually hear thoughts or can he just sense emotions?_

_The Hood has presented you with Cross Road futures, he has given you everything you want and everything you fear. _

_You'll get the answers that you _need_._

_Another check for non-reality._

_There is not only 'this' future and 'that' future, there are thousands of futures that you control. _

_Each one is test of you, as time passes the possibilities continue to dwindle and merge until you are left with one future and only one future. _

_Now you are asking the right questions_

_Another check for non-reality._

_That future is up to you. _

_The Hood doesn't and can't control you! _

_Another check for non-reality._

_How extensive is the Hood's psychic powers?_

_He told you himself that he is limited with the ways he can touch your mind. _

_Another check for non-reality._

_You already have everything you need to make a decision but your currently basing it on assumptions that are not true. _

_You'll get the answers that you _need_._

_Another check for non-reality._

_Why do you believe that the Hood told you the truth about this game? _

_We had to amputate_

_Another check for non-reality._

_He told you he is playing with you. _

_Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, _

_or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man._

_Think outside the box. _

_You'll get the answers that you _need_._

_Another check for non-reality._

_He has planted two seeds in your mind and every time these seeds send out a root there are cracks in the illusion. _

_You'll get the answers that you _need_._

_You need to see these flaws for what they are._

_Remember, you have everything you _need_. _

_Another check for non-reality._

_The only thing standing in your way, is you!"_

_Now you are asking the right questions_

_You'll get the answers that you __**need!**_

The Hood fell to his knees.

"You know what I think?" Alan said conversationally. "I don't believe this reality is real either."

Alan pulled the hand gun out from where it was tucked in the back of his trousers.

"Alan, no!"

Alan carefully brought the gun up and pulled the trigger.

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_Sorry to leave it here guys… and bad news I am afraid – I have to go away for a couple of days, so the next chapter won't be up until Saturday… I hope you can all last that long! In the meantime pretty please review and I would love to hear your theories and suggestions! _


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi everyone, sorry for such a delay in this update; life has been pretty hectic. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. Sorry, if I didn't reply personally, I have barely had a second to myself this week; but thank you for your support and kind words, it means a lot to hear what you all think!_

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"I need to stop this bleeding!"

"Hold him!"

"Blood pressures falling!"

"I need space to work here!"

"Pass me that syringe on the counter there! No, there! Yes that one!"

Instructions were being shouted over each other than Alan had no chance to work out who was saying what. He could taste the hot blood in his mouth and in the back of his throat. Blood also poured out of his nose and he couldn't see. His chest and ribs burned; both the muscles and an ache from not being able to breathe properly.

Panicked and in agony he tried to fight back against the person trying to hold his arms down.

Suddenly there was a hand running through his hair.

"Sssshhhh, Alan. Calm down. I know it hurts but you are going to be okay."

It was his father. Alan would recognise his voice anywhere.

He settled slightly but still shifted restlessly. He remembered everything.

"The Hood." He groaned.

"Don't worry, Al." Gordon said next to his ear. "He's in jail. He isn't going to bother us anymore."

"Allie, open your mouth." Virgil spoke this time.

Alan obeyed. Both Virgil and Brains were apparently attempting to stop the bleeding but what had happened? It was currently impossible to speak with what felt like twelve hands in his mouth but he would settle for at least being able to see. Completely uncoordinated he was able to get one hand to his eyes. Before he could rub them however, his hand was gently caught and laid down on his chest. Alan grunted in frustration. Gordon barked a laugh and then something cold and wet and wonderful was wiping his face and eyes.

Alan's eyes fluttered and he was finally able to open them. Jeff, Scott and Gordon were gathered at the head of the bed out of Brain's and Virgil's way. The two medics were engaged in conversation about things that Alan did not understand. He turned his attention back to his father.

"How are you feeling?" He asked running his hand through Alan's hair.

Alan closed his eyes for a moment revelling in their presence. He hadn't ruined everything; they were still here. He still had his family. The beeping monitor jumped a notch as he realised that there was someone missing. Someone crucial.

"Where's John?" He moaned shifting restlessly on the bed.

He's fine." Jeff said softly and soothingly.

Alan was not willing or prepared to be placated any longer. He needed to see John. He had to know. He needed proof that _something_ was real.

"No." Alan said moving with more conviction. If they weren't prepared to bring the answers to him them he would go to the answers.

"Al, you have to stay in bed." Scott said gently, laying a hand on his youngest brother's shoulder.

"John." Alan repeated firmly.

He grabbed hold of a handful of blankets, preparing to throw them to one side.

A hand on his stayed his actions.

"No, Allie." Virgil said. "Gords, would you run up to the lounge and see if John is up and about?"

Gordon nodded and left the room quickly.

"If John comes down here will you stay in bed?" Virgil asked.

Alan nodded closing his eyes wearily. His lungs burned and his chest and right side ached terribly. Virgil administered a pain killer through Alan's IV and placed him back on oxygen.

Alan was fighting to stay awake by the time the infirmary door opened again. Alan's eyes snapped open. Gordon moved cautiously out of the door to reveal John. Alan stared at his brother for a few long seconds. The heart monitor increased again. John's right sleeve was empty. Alan struggled to sit up.

Suddenly four pairs of hands were trying to hold him down. Alan refused to sit back. With unknown strength he was able to push himself into a sitting position. He pulled the oxygen mask down and waved John over.

Cautiously, and with worried eyes, John moved closer to the bed. Gently and fearfully Alan reached out and touched John's t-shirt.

Everyone looked from Alan to John and then back again. John carefully sat on the edge of the bed.

"What's the matter, buddy?" John asked running his hand through Alan's hair.

Alan placed his hand flat on John's chest. Or at least he meant to. John's right arm, strapped across his chest, stopped him. Alan sagged in relief, and with that little bit of leeway Virgil was able to get Alan to lie back down and replace the oxygen mask.

With the pain easing and his family gathered around him Alan was ready to go back to sleep. When the door opened again Alan cracked one eye open to see as Tin Tin carefully approached the bed.

"So, you figured it out." She said smiling.

"I guess you could say that I had some help to point me in the right direction." Alan said. "Thank you Tin. I wouldn't have found it on my own."

"Hush," She said smiling. "It's time to sleep now Alan. You can have real answers in the morning."

With the promise of tomorrow, Alan fell asleep for what felt like the first time in weeks.

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_Only one more chapter to go now; answers are coming!_


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